I was 34 when I suddenly became single after my marriage broke down, lets jump forward nearly 20 years I am now in my early fifties have been in and out of the dating industry and want to share with you some important advice of what I have learnt about people and how dating has progressed over the last 20 years and how I see it going in the future in particular for those of us in our rather delectable fifties…
For many of you would have come out of a long marriage possibly your partner has left you for someone else, or you reached a stage in the relationship where it was just not working for you anymore, you were best friends but the physical side had long gone, so for many years you felt isolated and lonely. Many of your friends marriage’s had broken up and you saw that they were having such fun in dating numerous people, going on exotic holidays, reinventing themselves with their new Batchelor pads or apartments after they had lost their big houses due to divorce, and so you thought, wow, if they can do it, so can I. so you sat your partner down and told them you wanted a divorce, and so you started the ball rolling to embrace your new life. There was excitement in the air as you imagined this great new life away from the cosy pipe and slippers that you once called your boring life.
So you write out your online dating profile trying to think about all the wonderful qualities and interests you had before you got married and had children and think that if you met someone you could actually do these things again, blaming your ex for not doing them whist you were together and possibly coming to the realisation that you were probably just simply not compatible. So making up for lost time you begin your search, not being sexist here but it’s a lot easier for men to find women on the internet , the stats are good there are 3 women to every male so potentially you could have a date every night if you wanted too. It used to be quite time consuming reading through endless profiles, sending and replying to lots of emails, and many prefer this way of “getting to know someone” they can go at their own pace, but now with the Tinder craze fast becoming a viable way of meeting someone you can instantly have a match and within a comfortable distance to where you live, so many options to choose from can make any man or woman’s ego go off the scale.
Then there is the other section of the over 50’s community who have no idea where to start, their self-esteem could have taken on a fairly big nose dive since going through their relationship collapse so they lock themselves away vowing never to venture into the dating world ever again, having given their heart solely to the other they fear there is nothing left to give, they are broken and try to fix the pieces of their broken heart through work and family, and have visions of spending the rest of their lives alone. Are they happy? Quite possibly, a lot of people also choose to stay single in their 50’s having too much to lose, maybe they lost a lot in their divorce and don’t want to be in a position of losing their pension and home if things didn’t work out agin, so they prefer casual relationship’s opting for companionship with no commitment (a grown up label for sex and dinner) in any order dependant on how hungry they are for each.
The good news is this, we are in our 50’s we have lived and we are alive, it’s all out there and this can be the beginning of anything we want. I feel long term potentially a lot of people will become disheartened with the Internet, most are already coming away from it, it doesn’t suit everyone preferring to be meet someone naturally in their day to day lives, I always advise people to take up a hobby. Broaden their social circles a little join dance / art classes, get friends to do a little matchmaking , but the crucial thing is to believe in yourself , keep your heart open ,after that everything will normally fall into place.
Happy Valentine’s Day Tx