Like many men (and women), Giles has a proclivity for pornography. But unlike most men, Giles isn’t referencing various pornographic search engines with “Big Boobs”, “Lesbian Action” or “Threesomes”. Instead Giles is looking for something a little different. Something considered out of the “norm”. Giles is looking for something that HE finds titillating and exciting. Giles is a heterosexual man with a fetish for Submission.
Male Submissives otherwise known as MaleSubs, a commonly used term in the BDSM* culture, refers to individuals whose sexual predilection to non-sexual servitude is their preference when it comes to sexual gratification. Firstly let us understand Submission. The Dictionary definition: “The action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person”. Not dissimilar to role-play, male submissives like to demonstrate their servitude in many ways. The most common way of showing their dedication is by being collared (where the dominant partner attaches and locks a collar around their neck) as it is a visual recognition of their commitment and obedience to their Mistress/Master.
Giles is in his mid fifties and has never shared with his wife of over thirty years his deepest innermost sexual fantasies. The fear of ridicule or rejection is the reason most don’t reveal their persuasions to their nearest and dearest. To the uninitiated these terms can evoke reactions of bewilderment, bemusement or even repulsion. As “Fetishists” we are typically labelled as perverted or deviant. It’s important to understand that sexual predilection is both intensely personal and sometimes shameful or embarrassing.
For the most part our society is unversed and uneducated when it comes to BDSM. The general public are not trained in the joys of acting out fantasies and role-play. These types of fascinations often require planning, particular attire, symbolic equipment, specifically defined dialogue and a myriad of accoutrements. Books like “50 Shades of Grey”, movies like “Secretary”, “Personal Services” and “Preaching to the Perverted” have entered the mainstream and consequently those of us who have a penchant for the “out of the normal” parameters of sexual desires and urges, suffer less persecution and discrimination as society becomes more accepting and knowledgeable of the diversities of sexual inclinations. So with its recent popularity the establishment appointed fashionista trend setters have decreed BDSM now… In-Vogue.
Fetishists often carry their secret to the grave or share it only with a paid professional (Dominatrix, Prostitute, and Therapist). Why would one have a persuasion for a fetish? Most can be traced back to a childhood memory. Psychologically when we reach sexual maturity these moments transform and metamorphosis into arousal or convert to become a stimulant or fascination that has been stored in the deepest parts of our subconscious, whether they stem from excitement, pleasure, fear, curiosity or even trauma.
Can a Fetish Orientation be changed, reversed, reformed? As a homosexual cannot “go straight”, neither can a sexual fetish abandon its possessor. The emotional and sexual connection is deep seated in the subconscious. All desires have peaks and valleys, sometimes stronger than at others but they never totally subside.
There is help for Fetishists. – Acceptance. Fetishists need to learn to accept their predilection without the guilt, shame and torment related to their fascination. Learning to develop and function in a loving sexual relationship regardless of the involvement of a partner.Therapy can provide a safe, unprejudiced, and objective environment. It is important that people understand their sexual differences and learn to get in touch with their own individual form of sexual expression. The objective is to normalise and incorporate into our lives what brings us pleasure and enjoyment and to embrace and enjoy all aspects of our lives in its entirety.
Its important to note that the most important abbreviation in the world of fetish is SSC – safe, sane and consensual!
*BDSM – Bondage, Discipline, Sado – Masochism